NOVEMBER LAMENT
by iammi
Summary: WARNING - GRAPHIC! In this tale Dara and Kaila help a fan commit suicide.


DARAZ WORLD

SUICIDE ITZ SUCH a PRETTY THING

{The camera shows Dara and Kaila sitting on a log as they ALLY WEEK hoodies and grip each other's hands.}

Dara - Hola amigos. We have lots of fun on this show but sometimes we do things that are wrong.

Kaila - it's wrong when we make fun of LBGT people. LBGT stands for lesbian gay bi and transgender. Our jokes were just for fun and nothing meant and we apologize.

Dara - Love is love and it's wrong to make fun of someone for who they love which is why we have taken the ALLY WEEK pledge.

Kaila - You can take it at .com and join Dara and me as we promote love.{Kaila playfully slaps Dara's bum as Dara shrieks and then purrs.}

Dara - And we have fun in between because

Dara and Kaila - Love is love!

{The camera then shows Dara and Kaila running on stage and flashing horns as they perform their latest album for tons of screaming fans.}

De da da da Dara! Da da da da Dara! De da da da Dara! De da da da Dara! Dara Dara Dara Thuh Explora! Who es Super Kewl Pop Star Explora Dara! Ditch school! Kill yourself! We will show you how! Hey Hey! Da Da Dara! Da Da Dara! Don't get caught! Don't get caught! On no! Dara Thuh Explora!

Dara - Hola amigos! Today Kaila and I are at a radio station because it's Girl Empowerment Day at our school. That means we get to find out what kind of jobs we can have when we grow up. I want to be a rock star! What do you want to be Kaila?

Kaia - Ni Hao! I want to be a drugged out serial killer and I want to die when I'm 30 like Casey Johnson. {Dara laughs as she takes a sip of Diet Coke mixed with Crown Royal before she high fives Kaila before Kaila goes back to arranging purple pills on the counter and hands Dara a few which Dara swallows instantly.}

Dara - Thanks Kai. You are seriously awesome! And so is your wish but you already are a drugged out serial killer. What else do you want to be? { Kaila high fives Dara back and slaps Dara's bum and Dara shrieks as she grips the counter and wiggles her bum at Kaila.} Dara - Mi - yowch! This cat has claws!

Kaia- I though you learned that from Vegas Darakinz. But if I had to pick a career I'd be a supermodel / rock star so I don't have to move much.

Dara - But I can be stubbron. I thought you knew that Kai - Kai. {Dara takes another sip of Diet Coke before she leans over and taps a red button that opens a side door as Kaila rubs Dara's bum and Dara starts to purr. A young girl with blood streaked dark hair wearing a short black skirt and a jet black "REMEMBER APRIL" RADIO ZD promo shirt along with spiked boots walks in.}

Dara - This is Sage. She's the DJ of Radio ZD - 66.6. The true home of Dark Metal.

Kaila - Finally there is an alternative to wuss music and talk radio stations that should die of cholera because they suck ass.

Dara - Speaking of ass … Sage do you know Paris because I see you have no underpants,

Sage - Ah you notice. I've freed myself from the realm of corprate tyrany. {Sage then grabs a microphone and presses an :On Air" button as Dara grins.} Sage - That was L7 pretending that they're dead and telling the xian generation to go fuck them selves with a crucifix. As I sit here with Dara and Kaila … I'm proud to know that I am part of a revolution that tells the fukkin church that if they want 10% … they can have 100% of what comes out of my ass after I get sick eating generic chili. This is a true revolt against the establishment. Nobody has ever done this before. We are original thinkers, We are free. And right now we're going to listen to Dara and Kaila "Remember APRIL." I love this song. It's so hot that it's already topped the Billboard 100 despite the fact that you can only hear it right here on Radio ZD. Remember that Carrie the next time you win a scummy. Remember APRIL. {Sage then smiles as Kaila hands her handful of purple pills which she downs with Diet Coke.}

Sage - thanks Kaila. And thanks for coming over to Radio ZD - 66.6. The true home of Dark Metal. What do you like?

Dara - Mi gusta puss! That's I like puss in Spanish … owch! {Dara screams as Kaila smacks her bum.}

Kaila - WO xihuan taoqi nuhai yi buzhang. That's I like to spank naughty girls in Chinese.

Dara - I didn't say whose puss Kai Kai.

Kaila I guess you didn't Darakinz. Xiang ni wo xiang le henduo henduo nin That's private in any language, { Dara purrs as Kaila rubs her bum and Kaila takes a bag of white powder out of her handbag and grins as Dara's eyes bulge before she rubs Kaila's check.}

Sage - Uh I hate to interrupt your cocaine induced sex orgy but you have calls to answer. The 4th caller has a special problem.

{Dara and Kaila make out passionately against the wall.} Kaila - Go fuck yourself! we're busy … mom Dara - no fuck me Kai Kai …. Mmmm Kaila - I know god hopes we wont but I think that we might just get stoned … just get stoned … {Kaila then licks Dara's lips before she rolls the powder in a paper and lights it before she hands it to Dara and does the same for herself.}

Dara - Thanks Kai Kai. You think outside the box … I like that. {Dara sits against the wall next to Kaila and they smoke heroin as their eyes roll back in their head before they kiss.}

Kaila - I think of your box Darakinz.

Dara - Mi gusta … mi gusta Kai Kai. {Dara collapses against the floor with Kaila on top of her and they begin to paw at each other.}

Sage - Uh if you don't answer you don't get paid and they take your private jet and free heroin away. {Dara and Kaila scramble to their seats and throw their headsets on.}

Dara - Radio ZD 66.6 - The True Home Of Dark Metal. This is Dara. You're on the air.

Caller - This is Miss Miller … your teacher. Why are you at that radio station when you're supposed to be at school?

Kaila - Why does your dress still smell like piss and vomit after we pelted you with water balloons over a week ago. Crank caller! Next call.

Caller - Hello Dara … Kaila! This is Amy and I love your show! I love your music! You are my idols and I will worship you forever! I dedicated my soul to Father Satan last night and I can't wait till I die so I can be like you! You are the most awesome! I'll be at your show in Los Angeles … front row third seat center … throw me your panties so I can smell your puss please!

Dara - Didn't we autograph your boobs in Vegas?

Caller - You remembered! Awesome!

Kaila - We'll toss you a pair of fresh panties in Lea. so be ready Amy cause this panty for you. Next caller.

Caller - hi. I love your album. I know all the lyrics and I think you're the best. I think you should study in school. I get straight a's.

Kaila - And I get detention! Xi qu shuq cesuol! That's Chinese for go suck a toilet brush!

Dara - Ahogarse con mis tampones y vomitar perdedor! And that's Spanish for choke on my tampon and puke loser!

Caller - But I love your album!

Dara - Do we look like sluts who follow the grateful dead?

Kaila - Then why would we give a fuck to a fakeist poser! Next caller!

Sage - You're listening to Dara and Kaila on Radio ZD - 66.6. The true home of Dark Metal. If you've been keeping track then you'll know the next caller is caller number four who has a special problem that Dara and Kaila need to solve. Radio ZD 66.6 - the true home of Dark Metal. Sponsored by Funeral Home Foods … food so authentic you'll swear you can taste a piece of the past in every bite.

Caller - Hello Dar … Kaila. I love you and I love all that you do. I'm calling because I have a problem. You see I dedicated my soul to Father Satan last week and now I can't wait to die so I can be with Daddy. But I'm sad because I don't know how to kill myself so I can be with Father Satan forever. Can you please help me? I'm Kathy.

Kaila - Kathy is sad. Do you think she's sad because she doesn't know how to kill herself so she can be with Father Satan?

{Dara runs her hand over her face in disbelief.} Dara - no Kai … she's sad because there isn't enough chasse on her pizza. Of course she's sad because she doesn't know how to kill herself … that's what she just said.

{Kaila grips Dara's hand and speaks calmly.} Kaila - Darakinz there are two ways to solve problems. There's yours and today we'll try mine, now let's rewind the tape to see if we can find out why Kathy's sad.

Dara - Only for you would I do this Kai. {Dara rewinds the tape to Kathy's statement and plays it.}

Kaila - I think Kathy's sad because she doesn't know how to kill herself so she can be with Father Satan. Do you think that's why?

You - Yes!

Dara - Yes I do Kaila.

Kaila - I think so too! Let's ask Kathy if that's why she's sad. Kathy are you sad because you want to kill yourself so you can be with Father Satan but you don't know how?

Kathy - Are you on LSD or something? That's what I just said!

Kaila - Kathy is our friend and she's sad. We gotta gotta try to find a way to make Kathy happy. Let's try friends.

Dara - Kathy what do you have at your house?

Kathy - Well I have some knives but I don't want to use those. I wish I had a gun but my parents keep those locked up. Tylenol's no good,

Kaila - That's right. You never want to use a knife to kill yourself because it requires extreme self - hatred. It's painful as you have to make a deep cut on a main vein or it won't work.

Dara - And Tylenol or aspirin just makes you vomit. Roach spray will kill you but it's painful as every muscle in your body will painfully contract until you die of exhaustion. What else do you have Kathy?

Kathy - Well I have some sleeping pills and my parents have lots of caffeine diet and energy pills. We also have bleach and toilet cleaner.

Kaila - I got it! I got it! I know just what to do! I got it! I got it! Don't think about what you can't do. Think about what you can do.

Kathy - And what's that?

Dara - Swallow all the sleeping pills first. These will put you in a mini coma.

Kathy - Okay I'm with you girl. {Kathy downs multiple sleeping's pills with Diet Coke.} Kathy - There … I took a bottle … what next?

Kaila - Then swallow all the caffeine diet and energy pills. These will give you a powerful heart attack.

Kathy - You are a genius! I'm so doing it girl! {Kathy swallows caffeine diet and energy pills with a 2 liter of Diet Coke.} Kathy - You are awesome serious! I took 3 bottles … what next?

Dara - Then mix the bleach with the toilet cleaner. This will create a poison gas and kill you within a minute.

Kaila - This is called a double threat suicide. Even if someone saves you from one way then the other way will still kill you.

Kathy - Thank you! Father Satan here I come! {Kathy mixes bleach with toilet cleaner and smiles.} Kathy - I love you! Meet me in Hell! {Kathy passes out dead.}

Dara Kaila Sage and Kathy's ghost - We did it! We did it! We did it! Lo jicimos! We did it! We wanted to sleep late but our moms kicked us out of bed. So we created Girl Empowerment Day and ditched school instead! We did it! Sage wears no panties to be free! Kaila told the world Miss Miller smells like pee! We did it! Yay! Dara and Kaila can't wait to get in bed but Sage convinced them to help Kathy kill herself instead! We did it!

Dara - What was your favorite part of the show?

You - When Dara and Kaila told that nerd off!

Dara - I liked that too! My favorite part was when Kaila whispered private to me.

Sage - My favorite part was when Dara and Kaila smoked heroin.

Kathy - My favorite part was when I killed myself! I got to meet Father Satan and Daddy's the best!

Kaila - My favorite part was when I rubbed Dara's bum. Sai Chien kiddies.

{The camera then cuts to the closing credits and then shows Dara and Kaila sitting in a libary.}

Dara - Hola amigos! Today we had lots of fun and we talked about suicide and music.

Kaila - Taking your own life is a very serious issue and you have to do your research so that you can make sure you succeed.

Dara - a good book to start with is Cute Killers. It will tell you about 16 unassuming but lethal plants

Kaila - Another good book is Principles and Methods of Toxicology. This will tell you about the most lethal chemicals and chemical combinations possible.

Dara - Just tell people that you are studying medicine so that you can be really smart when you grow up. Grown - ups will believe you because they're stupid like that.

Kaila - And nothing fools your parents faster then if you hide in your room and read. Chennai ren ya! That's adults are dumb in Chinese!

Dara - Just ask your friendly librarian to help you because

Dara and Kaila - The more you know the more you grow!

{The camera cuts to the closing credits.}


End file.
